“Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness”
November’s book club.
Velcro for bad experiences – don’t want to get eaten by a tiger.
Teflon for good experiences
The way our mind needed to work to survive.
Example – Go to sleep – bad mood – 3 great things happened to me and 1 minor bad thing and that is what I was thinking when I went to bed.
My mind is like a bad neighborhood. I try not to go there alone. Anne Lamont
Improvements in Psychological approaches
When someone is ill or depressed.
Cognitive Behavior Therapy
Questioning your thoughts. Are they true? Are they helpful?
Questioning how you react. Are they helpful or self-destructive?
Break destructive behavior patterns.
Positive Psychology – Preventing illness
Before one is ill or depressed create a more healthy resilient mind.
Meditation / Mindfulness
Calming impact – Sense of wellbeing as a felt sense
Problems are less likely to trigger you.
Objective observer can catch negativity before it turns into rumination.
When you are triggered you are more likely to respond constructively
Your mind can be your best friend or your worst enemy
Cultivate clear thinking so that you don’t get depressed.
Not wishful thinking
Just not feeding your mind negativity that is not helpful.
Using your mind to alter your brain.
There are physiological changes caused by the resourcing practices
Decreased activity in parts of the brain are signs of happiness
Neurons that fire together wire together.
Rumination is the major cause of recurring depression.
Chapter 1 – Compassion
If I am not for myself who will be. If I am only for myself what am I . If not now when… Hillel
Chapter 2 – Mindfulness
Wisdom as the attitude of mindfulness – letting go
Let be, let go, let in
Felt sense, bodily experience
Meditation as a way of cultivating the Mindfulness muscles
Chapter 3 – Learning
HEAL – The process
Have an experience
Enrich it: Stay with it, feeling it fully.
Absorb it – Receive it into yourself.
Link it (optional):
Chapter 4 – Grit
Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles. —Alex Karras
Agency – opposite of helplessness
Active – Pro-active.
Chapter 5 – Gratitude
Counter-balance our negativity bias.
Before you go to sleep at night – think of all the good things that happened that day
Writing thank you notes.
Mantra – “Thank you, Thank you, Thank
Chapter 6 – Confidence
Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are. —Malcolm Forbes
To simplify a large body of research, when parents and other caregivers are usually attuned, responsive, loving, and skillful—reliably delivering a “good enough” stream of social supplies—children are likely to become securely attached. They have a feeling of being loved and worthy, as well as strong capacities to soothe and regulate themselves.
Chapter 7 – Calm
Meditation – Focusing on the breath – centering
Movement – Tai Chi, Yoga
Appreciating your resources
Chapter 8 – Motivation
Healthy Passion – Constructive growth
Chapter 9 – Intimacy
Autonomy – feel comfortable expressing your feelings
Grow empathy and compassion within yourself
Chapter 10 – Courage
One is wise who is peaceable, friendly, and fearless. —The Dhammapada
Speak up – Nonviolent communications
Requests not demands
Chapter 11 – Aspiration
Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? —Mary Oliver
Love AND work AND play
What is the essence of your dream?
Consider what you are doings and offerings
Chapter 12 – Generosity
I am an old man and I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. …Mark Twain