Tonight’s theme is how gratitude can help us appreciate our lives. Meditation teacher Joseph Goldstein says, “Not seeing suffering is a form of suffering. “ Instead of judging ourselves when we notice negative thoughts, we can be grateful for our capacity to recognize what is blocking contentment. Our awareness is the first step towards liberation. When we feel gratitude for the consciousness that witnesses everything arising and passing away in the mind, we recognize this truth: the awareness that recognizes fear is not afraid. And the awareness that identifies sadness is not sad.
Gratitude practice helps us notice with increasing compassion the pain of being lost in negative stories about ourselves. Whatever happens in our lives is hardly ever 100% good or 100% bad. The key element is our attitude about the circumstances. In any situation, I can choose to focus on specific difficulties or to view any problems in a broader context.
As the Buddha taught, our happiness doesn’t have to do with what is happening around us so much as with our relationship to what is occurring.
We can decide to treat a situation as unbearable or as manageable. And we don’t receive extra credit for being a martyr!
Some people seem chronically disillusioned, resenting hardships as a burden to bear, while others maintain equilibrium in spite of difficulties and feel grateful for life’s gifts. Our attitude about inevitable changes affects the quality of our lives. The essence of our existence is constant change, and it would be very boring if we could control everything around us. Whenever we try to stop the natural fluidity of events, we suffer, and life no longer feels like an adventure.
In a contented state of mind, we tend to be flexible about how events unfold.
When all is going well, we are grateful, and we enjoy what’s happening.
And when something unexpected occurs, we adapt to new circumstances.
Instead of reacting with frustration and dismay, we respond wisely, trusting that we are moving towards new possibilities.
Cicero said, “Gratitude is not only the greatest virtue, but it is also the parent of all other virtues. If we are suffering, it helps to move beyond a mental state that is filled with fear and worry. When the mind contracts, we can’t think clearly, and we can easily feel overwhelmed. Gratitude is an ally that helps us expand the heart and mind. When we feel grateful, we create more space, clarity and equilibrium in the mind, so that we can respond wisely to our circumstances. In the process of cultivating gratitude, we say “Yes” to life, and we can receive the many blessings that are around us.
Thich Nhat Hanh suggests a practice of pinpointing what has changed for the better in the present moment. For example, if yesterday’s headache has disappeared, you can be grateful that your head is free from pain today.
When we are grateful, we feel connected to something greater than our personal reality—something that we might conceive of as the Dharma, or God or the Cosmos.
How can we let go of our assumptions and open ourselves up to receive what is possible in our current situation? How can we be open to life’s surprises without so many defenses? Ram Dass jokes that, “The next message that you will hear is the next message that you will hear!”
With an attitude of easy acceptance, each moment matters. In his book, Gratitude, the Heart of Prayer, Brother David Steindl-Rast refers to unexpected surprises as an initiation to gratitude and prayer. Whether they come as blessings or as lessons, can we allow ourselves to be amazed by the gifts that life continually offers us?
Gratitude creates a sense of sufficiency— we have all that we need for now.
In any circumstance, instead of concentrating on what’s missing, we can notice what we have. We all tire of hearing an interior voice complaining, “I have to do this, I have to do that.” One meditator suggested substituting the message: “I have the opportunity to do this. I have the opportunity to do that.”
The founder of Positive Psychology, Martin Seligman, conducted a study with people who considered themselves to be severely depressed. As a nightly exercise for two weeks, they wrote three positive things that had happened during the day. At the end of the experiment, 94% of the subjects felt less depressed, and 92% claimed that their happiness had increased.
EXERCISE: REFLECT ON 3 POSITIVE THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED DURING THE PAST WEEK OF YOUR LIFE….. TURN TO A PARTNER AND TAKE TURNS LISTENING TO REASONS FOR GRATITUDE.